Feelings Are Not Facts

You may have heard this powerful statement before: feelings are not facts. 

Let’s dive into what that means. 

Say your boss spoke to you abruptly. You may think, “he’s mad at me.” But, in reality, he could be stressed and thinking about a deadline he’s working on. In that case, you “felt” something that wasn’t fact. 

Here’s another example: you’re someone who doesn't do something if you're afraid or intimidated by it. I was asked a few years ago to present to a large group of gym owners about “managing a team.” It made me nervous and I had some imposter syndrome, but I looked at the facts. And the facts were this: I wouldn’t have been asked if the organization didn’t think I could provide value; I have 15  years of experience so I do have insight; it won’t be perfect, but no one is looking for perfection. If I had leaned into my feelings, I would have declined the offer. PS: it went great! 

Our emotions can mislead us. We can use them as a barometer, as they can contain truth, but they don’t always align with the truth. Relying only on feelings can lead to stress, anxiety, and overall misconceptions.

Now, I am not saying that feelings don’t matter. Emotions are good! But you must also look for the truth. In my first example above, instead of stewing in your feelings, you could ask your boss if something was bothering her. 

Other ways to distinguish feelings from facts are: 

• Pause and reflect.
• Seek external input. 
• Reflect on past experiences.  
• Ask yourself 
• Are my thoughts realistic?
• Is there evidence that my feelings are true? 
• What would I say to a friend having these thoughts? 

It can be challenging to separate fact from feeling. But, before acting on emotion, consider seeking the facts.